My blog has moved to http://www.youruntypicalguy.blogspot.com/ . It is still 'under-construction' at the time of writing, but if you see something, read my self-description article as well as an update over the past 4 months.
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2010; A Decade has passed, a new decade promising positive change
Yesterday, the 1st of January, 2010, is the first day of a new decade of promise, a promise of a better future and a better life. Gone is the old decade (the first decade of the new millennium) where I spent my Primary and Secondary school days, where everything seems to be stagnant. Here comes a new decade where my path poses me a choice of totally different paths to trudge on, whether it's Junior College, Polytechnic or even straight to National Service (where afterwards I get to choose between the Center of American Education-Broward Program or the American High School/International Baccalaureate Diploma program). This is the crossroads/intersection of paths to take, the one that will lead me to my dream of studying in America. This New Year is not only a new decade, but a new breeding ground for hopes and dreams, waiting to come true. It is also time to throw all my misery into my history book (or rather, a biography if I were to make one), and be strong to new inescapable challenges. And one day in this decade, I will find a place (hopefully in the USA) where I truly belong; no more being left out/excluded.
My 10 New Year Wishes and 10 New Year Resolutions are
1) To have a clear path to realise my dreams
2) To have a much better, more fulfilled life, as well as brighter days
3) To be a better person
4) To have a much more peaceful family atmosphere
5) To not let anything stop me from realising my dreams
6) To have true friends & strong friendships and to not be lonely anymore
7) To receive the positive results from practising The Law Of Attraction
8) To be more disciplined in doing what works and overcome temptations
9) To have more confidence in meeting new people, and facing new experiences
10) To be a much happier person from this decade onwards
1) I'll follow my heart to make the right decision on which path to go after O Levels, the best path to lead me to my dreams
2) I'll lead an active life, pursuing my interests in all areas, as well as fix my body shape
3) I'll make more friends, from a wide variety of backgrounds
4) I'll use The Law Of Attraction to help me transform my life to the way I want it
5) I'll do my best to reach my goals, and persevere to overcome setbacks
6) I'll adopt a desirable character that everyone, including me, wants me to have (till everyone stops using the word 'attitude' in my face)
7) I'll leave the past behind me and start anew with a new beginning.
8) I'll move on without letting family troubles hinder my progress
9) I'll be more assertive when making decisions, accepting requests and be firm with my standing up for myself.
10) I'll be open to new experiences and types of people, and resist from running away and hiding from unfamiliar things.
2010 marks a new beginning for me. "The past is gone, I must move on from here". To many people, 2010 is 'just another year gone by'. To me it's a new beginning of great things to come. Where will I be in the next decade, in 2020?
I'm still very confused with where I should go after the O Levels though. That's why making the right decision appears in my resolutions above. There is a 15% likeliness I'll end up in a Junior College, 40% in Polytechnic, 35% in the CAE-Broward program, and 10% in an American high school, doing the IB Diploma program. Only my O Level results will rule out any one of these choices, although, IF I happen to get 10 points (10 for 2010, for 10 years after the new millennium, and for 10 more years of good luck, get it?) and below for L1R5, I'll be totally lost. Anyway, there'll be Polytechnic Open Houses from the 7-9 January and on the 13 for JCs, so hopefully I get more inspiration when I go there...
I still haven't found any job yet, but after sending over 30 applications/resumes over the whole of December, I'm bound to find one, at least after the release of the O Level results. There's a chance FairPrice would hire me though.
My trip to Beijing was...so-so. I was thrilled with -10 degree Celcius weather (though my family was not, with the low humidity cracking everyone's skin), the modernity of Beijing (including all the pre- or post-Olympic infrastructures such as Terminal 3 and China World Trade Center Phase 3, as well as the civility of the people), but because of the cold, my family had to abort so many of the plans, missing out so many of Beijing's famous sights such as the Temple of Heaven, and cooping up in the new Singapore-brand Ascott Hotel (just above Raffles City Beijing @ Dongzhimen). That was the disappointing part. One thing I dislike about Beijing though, is there all TOO MANY TOUTS! Can't these people find better jobs rather than disturbing people? Another thing is that factory chimneys in the middle of the city. How are people going to breathe? And the smog? Why rely on the wind to clear it up? It's not going to go away forever. However, I'm still impressed with Beijing's efforts to improve itself and that's why I still liked Beijing. Hope it'll be much better when I return 10+ years later.
I went to the New Year Countdown Party at Marine Parade (SHINE 2010) and Marina Bay. The crowds at Marina Bay were horrendous, and the crowd control police were worse. But with a little determination, I found my way to the center of the action and videoclipped the whole fireworks display. The way out was just as bad. I was stuck in the hopeless crowd heading for City Hall Interchange, so I wriggled my way out into the McDonald shortcut and walked all the way to Dhoby Ghaut Interchange, stopping at Cheers for 2 drinks and enjoying the city's nightly and celebrity atmosphere along the way.
These are 2 songs that would do the 'commemorating' of the New Year/Decade:
1st, The Climb, to show that it's not always the destination that matters, it's the way to get there that also matters, and that inspired me to stick to the Polytechnic route
2nd, the reprise version of Where Do I Go From Here?, to show how confused I still am about my path
My 10 New Year Wishes and 10 New Year Resolutions are
1) To have a clear path to realise my dreams
2) To have a much better, more fulfilled life, as well as brighter days
3) To be a better person
4) To have a much more peaceful family atmosphere
5) To not let anything stop me from realising my dreams
6) To have true friends & strong friendships and to not be lonely anymore
7) To receive the positive results from practising The Law Of Attraction
8) To be more disciplined in doing what works and overcome temptations
9) To have more confidence in meeting new people, and facing new experiences
10) To be a much happier person from this decade onwards
1) I'll follow my heart to make the right decision on which path to go after O Levels, the best path to lead me to my dreams
2) I'll lead an active life, pursuing my interests in all areas, as well as fix my body shape
3) I'll make more friends, from a wide variety of backgrounds
4) I'll use The Law Of Attraction to help me transform my life to the way I want it
5) I'll do my best to reach my goals, and persevere to overcome setbacks
6) I'll adopt a desirable character that everyone, including me, wants me to have (till everyone stops using the word 'attitude' in my face)
7) I'll leave the past behind me and start anew with a new beginning.
8) I'll move on without letting family troubles hinder my progress
9) I'll be more assertive when making decisions, accepting requests and be firm with my standing up for myself.
10) I'll be open to new experiences and types of people, and resist from running away and hiding from unfamiliar things.
2010 marks a new beginning for me. "The past is gone, I must move on from here". To many people, 2010 is 'just another year gone by'. To me it's a new beginning of great things to come. Where will I be in the next decade, in 2020?
I'm still very confused with where I should go after the O Levels though. That's why making the right decision appears in my resolutions above. There is a 15% likeliness I'll end up in a Junior College, 40% in Polytechnic, 35% in the CAE-Broward program, and 10% in an American high school, doing the IB Diploma program. Only my O Level results will rule out any one of these choices, although, IF I happen to get 10 points (10 for 2010, for 10 years after the new millennium, and for 10 more years of good luck, get it?) and below for L1R5, I'll be totally lost. Anyway, there'll be Polytechnic Open Houses from the 7-9 January and on the 13 for JCs, so hopefully I get more inspiration when I go there...
I still haven't found any job yet, but after sending over 30 applications/resumes over the whole of December, I'm bound to find one, at least after the release of the O Level results. There's a chance FairPrice would hire me though.
My trip to Beijing was...so-so. I was thrilled with -10 degree Celcius weather (though my family was not, with the low humidity cracking everyone's skin), the modernity of Beijing (including all the pre- or post-Olympic infrastructures such as Terminal 3 and China World Trade Center Phase 3, as well as the civility of the people), but because of the cold, my family had to abort so many of the plans, missing out so many of Beijing's famous sights such as the Temple of Heaven, and cooping up in the new Singapore-brand Ascott Hotel (just above Raffles City Beijing @ Dongzhimen). That was the disappointing part. One thing I dislike about Beijing though, is there all TOO MANY TOUTS! Can't these people find better jobs rather than disturbing people? Another thing is that factory chimneys in the middle of the city. How are people going to breathe? And the smog? Why rely on the wind to clear it up? It's not going to go away forever. However, I'm still impressed with Beijing's efforts to improve itself and that's why I still liked Beijing. Hope it'll be much better when I return 10+ years later.
I went to the New Year Countdown Party at Marine Parade (SHINE 2010) and Marina Bay. The crowds at Marina Bay were horrendous, and the crowd control police were worse. But with a little determination, I found my way to the center of the action and videoclipped the whole fireworks display. The way out was just as bad. I was stuck in the hopeless crowd heading for City Hall Interchange, so I wriggled my way out into the McDonald shortcut and walked all the way to Dhoby Ghaut Interchange, stopping at Cheers for 2 drinks and enjoying the city's nightly and celebrity atmosphere along the way.
These are 2 songs that would do the 'commemorating' of the New Year/Decade:
1st, The Climb, to show that it's not always the destination that matters, it's the way to get there that also matters, and that inspired me to stick to the Polytechnic route
2nd, the reprise version of Where Do I Go From Here?, to show how confused I still am about my path
December update
OK, I've not been blogging for an incredibly long time so now I will. For the past 3 weeks I've been searching for part-time jobs in all the usual places, but I ended up with the job of selling donation tickets in Tampines! I felt freaked out on the first day when people start 're-living the Scouts spirit' with cheering (my employer was a Scout and he probably misses his old days to pass it on to his company; no offense to Scouts though), and OMG I was reminded of MY old days not only in Scouts but in school camps as well (some of them horrid). I didn't manage to sell ANYTHING; my colleagues couldn't believe me and one accused me of slacking. I quit on the same day. Back to job search.
Went to Kuala Lumpur and Melaka in the past 3 weeks. So I did not get to stay for 1-2 weeks in Shui Yee's house after all (I totally expected it and initially wasn't happy, but my parents relented to let me stay for at least 1 night). Thursday night, we stayed at Boulevard Hotel (again). This time our room is on a higher floor. The view of Menara and KLCC was so beautiful! And I slept with all the lights off because I wanted to sleep with the 'awe-inspiring' city lights. On Saturday, I worked at their coffeeshop doing basic stuff with Shui Yee, Chee How, their sister (forgot her actual name again! But we call her Meimei), and their cousin Meosen. I considered it good working experience, but my parents insist it's not even beginner level, as my 'employers' are my relatives who naturally wouldn't want to upset me. The previous night, they brought us to this very pleasant garden-themed restaurant in 1 Utama, and because I was so 'inspired', I bought the green-coloured Watercress Soup, which looked and tasted yucky at first, but soon I got over it and enjoyed it. After the dinner, I went to the arcade located above the mall, but after playing a few games I was overcome with the feeling of missing Auntie Russel and Siravit again. After all Siravit was about to leave the next day. On the morning of the last day I was annoyed that not only I couldn't stay longer, but I had to leave early! I resented for a while but felt neutral after that. 'Cos I've got my desire to see Kuala Lumpur covered, after so long. The trip to Melaka (11-13 Dec) was organised by my father's company, so we sat on the bus with all other employees and their families. We walked to the Melaka River area on the 2nd day, but the rest was all mall-hopping, and we ate Peranakan food in our buffet dinner night at Holiday Inn.
I was pissed off when I posted on STOMP talkback my suggestions of polytechnic being a better route for those wanting to go to the USA to study, that those people start attacking my post with insults, sarcasm and discouragement, thinking that I wanted to go to the Ivy League from Polytechnic even though I might not even qualify for the National University of Singapore. I was not only furious about thier misunderstanding of my post, my intentions of writing the post, my tone in the post and the admissions systems (plus changing trends), but also these doom-monger(s) (people who only know how to say "Aiyoh, you cannot make it one lah") are so moronic that you'd feel like punching him. I never knew that these group of people exist in Singapore (again, must be those Ugly Singaporeans who are so enthusiastic in things like National Service, politics, being Singaporean & patriotic, being snobbish with intelligence, who downplays everyone else who has different attitudes than they themselves). Some of their posts really hurt, and it kept bothering me and my self-esteem when I was in Melaka. In another thread though, someone replied that, "It's the people who will create your experience, not the place" when arguing that I cannot always be sure that USA is the best place for my university education. He's right about that statement. The group of people in Singapore (the one I described above) plus the constant inner feeling of loneliness is chasing me out of Singapore in the first place. USA is one of the major chances I'm taking to turn this around. So I thought it over, aside from Junior College and Polytechnic next year, one of the routes I can take is the Center of American Education-Broward College route (as described in my previous blog, doing the university core curriculum in Singapore when I do National Service, and transfer my credits over when I'm ready).
However, this route is still uncertain as it's off the beaten path (though a more assuring one due to accreditation, licensure and endorsement). Going on this shortcut means the only certificate I have to present to the university after National Service is the O Levels, and there's uncertainty whether I'd do well or not. Plus how am I going to fill in the extra-curricular section of the Common Application form? Since I wouldn't get my chance to improve my extra-curricular performance as I won't be going to either JC or Poly, the only thing I can fill in is my miserable CCA results from secondary school. How am I going to get into the more prestigious ones like that? The CAE claims one (or more) of its students made it to Columbia University (my dream college) after the program, but what is this student(s) like in his/her/their transcripts? Furthermore, I've only 2 years to save up (but to pay for only 2+ years of undergraduate college, as compared to the traditional 4 years), and as for the National Service requirement? I'm not ready. But this is the path of more guaranteed hope. This is the fastest way to the USA. The 60 credits I do in Singapore can save up to 2 years worth of college fees (hundreds of thousands of dollars). I have 2 years more to consider whether Architecture is really right for me (and if not, I have more majors to choose from once in USA, as compared to the courses in Poly, although JC gives you 4 years), and people there all have the same vision and goal, to get into an American college, meaning there's a higher chance of me fitting in there than in JC/Poly. Furthermore, I'm highly likely to join the Police Force in National Service, which I really want, and the only thing I'd look forward to in National Service (plus self-defense skills are useful in preventing being victimised from crime in the USA). Anyway I don't mind moving on to places like the University of Oregon, or North Carolina State University, as long as I fit in there and it fits in most of my needs & wants (because I only need the degree to be recognised by a good American graduate school; that's where prestige becomes more important).
There's another route though. I could go to National Service first, then enrol into an American high school (most likely, Sasha's and Misha's high school, Lawrence North in Indianapolis) for 1-2 years, before heading off to college. Even higher chances into American colleges like that, with a hand at American curriculum and extra-curriculars. But the problem is my O Levels essentially allows me to be accepted into college already (they'll ask, 'for what?'), and costs will be even higher (imagine 2+4 years of paying exorbitant prices). So this route is still under 'investigation'.
Plans for this week onwards? Gathering with Benjamin, Kian Leong and Randal with full of content to chit-chat about,and next Tuesday is my flight to Beijing (Singapore Airlines and cold climate once again!). I've always wanted to go to Beijing because I was impressed with its pre-Olympic development, but only now when interest is gradually fading then this trip was announced. LOL. The 2 weeks when O Level results are released will be the busy week of not only collecting results, but visiting schools during open houses and 'serious route consideration'. Then I will start planning my next few months again. Where I go (JC, Poly, NS+CAE, or NS+AHS) is uncertain; it depends on my results and my soul searching. The song below is a rather optimistic Japanese song, called Kanashimi Ni Makenaide/悲しみに負けないで by Mikuni Shimokawa:
Lyrics:
一人きり泣きそうになる
夜なんで幾つもある
終わりのない旅の途中
誰だって夢見ている
いつも何かを信じて
そして何かを失って
君を抱きしめた
流した涙の数は
優しさに変わって行く
きっと
悲しみに負けないで
まっすぐに明日を見ていて
一人じゃない 誰もみんな
叶える願がある
明日の風はきっと
優しい香りをつれて来る
約束だよ どんな時も
きっと君の側にいる
言葉では言えないほど
募ってく思いがある
木枯らしに抱かれる夜は
切なさも強さにして
出会いはいつも突然
響く鐘の音のように
やって来る
君が手にした全てが
明日へ繋がればいい
だから
悲しみにさようなら
瞳閉じてそして笑って
忘れられない 思い出たち
少しずつ抱きしめて
たとえ遠く離れても
いつも君だけに祈るから
君が歩く道の上に
花が咲きますように
星空を見上げながら
見果てぬ夢追い掛けて
いつか風になる
もっと自由に
悲しみに負けないで
まっすぐに明日を見ていて
一人じゃない 誰もみんな
叶える願がある
逢いたいと思うから
いつでも声が聞きたいから
過ぎ去って行く季節に今
ありがとうと言えるよ
Romanji:
Hitorikiri nakisou ni naru
Yoru nante ikutsu mo aru
Owari no nai tabi no tochuu
Dare datte yume miteiru
Itsumo nanika wo shinjite
Soshite nanika wo ushinatte
Kimi wo dakishimeta
Nagashita namida no kazu wa
Yasashisa ni kawatte yuku
Kitto
Kanashimi ni makenaide
Massugu ni ashita wo miteite
Hitori ja nai dare mo minna
Kanaeru negai ga aru
Ashita no kaze wa kitto
Yasashii kaori wo tsurete kuru
Yakusoku da yo donna toki mo
Kitto kimi no soba ni iru
Kotoba de wa ienai hodo
Tsumotteku omoi ga aru
Kogarashi ni dakareru yoru wa
Setsunasa mo tsuyosa ni shite
Deai wa itsumo totsuzen
Hibiku kane no ne no you ni
Yatte kuru
Kimi ga te ni shita subete ga
Ashita e tsunagareba ii
Dakara
Kanashimi ni sayounara
Hitomi tojite soshite waratte
Wasurerarenai omoide-tachi
Sukoshi zutsu dakishimete
Tatoe tooku hanarete mo
Itsumo kimi dake ni inoru kara
Kimi ga aruku michi no ue ni
Hana ga sakimasu you ni
Hoshizora wo miagenagara
Mihatenu yume oikakete
Itsuka kaze ni naru
Motto jiyuu ni
Kanashimi ni makenaide
Massugu ni ashita wo miteite
Hitori ja nai daremo minna
Kanaeru negai ga aru
Aitai to omou kara
Itsudemo koe ga kikitai kara
Sugisatte yuku kisetsu ni ima
Arigatou to ieru yo
Translation:
There are many nights when i feel like crying alone
On this endless journey, everyone is dreaming
Having faith in something, then losing something in return
I embraced you
But my tears will soon turn into gentleness
Surely
Dont lose to sorrow, look towards the tomorrow straight ahead
You're not alone, everyone has dreams to make true
Tomorrow's wind will surely bring along a gentle scent
I promise that i will always be by your side
There are so many things i want to tell you
When I am blown by cold wind i will turn sadness into strength
We always meet so suddenly, like an echo of a bell
It'd be great if everything you grabbed in your hand is connected to tomorrow
That's why
Say good-bye to sorrow, close your eyes and laugh
Embrace the unforgettable wishes little by little
Even if we are separated far away, I will always pray for you
That flowers will bloom on the road you walk on
Looking up at the starry sky, I'll chase the never-ending dream
Then someday I will become the wind, and become more free...
Dont lose to sorrow, look towards the tomorrow straight ahead
You're not alone, everyone has dreams to make true
Tomorrow's wind will surely bring along a gentle scent
I promise that i will always be by your side
Because I want to stay by your side, listen to your voice whenever i want
I can say thank you to the seasons that pass by
Went to Kuala Lumpur and Melaka in the past 3 weeks. So I did not get to stay for 1-2 weeks in Shui Yee's house after all (I totally expected it and initially wasn't happy, but my parents relented to let me stay for at least 1 night). Thursday night, we stayed at Boulevard Hotel (again). This time our room is on a higher floor. The view of Menara and KLCC was so beautiful! And I slept with all the lights off because I wanted to sleep with the 'awe-inspiring' city lights. On Saturday, I worked at their coffeeshop doing basic stuff with Shui Yee, Chee How, their sister (forgot her actual name again! But we call her Meimei), and their cousin Meosen. I considered it good working experience, but my parents insist it's not even beginner level, as my 'employers' are my relatives who naturally wouldn't want to upset me. The previous night, they brought us to this very pleasant garden-themed restaurant in 1 Utama, and because I was so 'inspired', I bought the green-coloured Watercress Soup, which looked and tasted yucky at first, but soon I got over it and enjoyed it. After the dinner, I went to the arcade located above the mall, but after playing a few games I was overcome with the feeling of missing Auntie Russel and Siravit again. After all Siravit was about to leave the next day. On the morning of the last day I was annoyed that not only I couldn't stay longer, but I had to leave early! I resented for a while but felt neutral after that. 'Cos I've got my desire to see Kuala Lumpur covered, after so long. The trip to Melaka (11-13 Dec) was organised by my father's company, so we sat on the bus with all other employees and their families. We walked to the Melaka River area on the 2nd day, but the rest was all mall-hopping, and we ate Peranakan food in our buffet dinner night at Holiday Inn.
I was pissed off when I posted on STOMP talkback my suggestions of polytechnic being a better route for those wanting to go to the USA to study, that those people start attacking my post with insults, sarcasm and discouragement, thinking that I wanted to go to the Ivy League from Polytechnic even though I might not even qualify for the National University of Singapore. I was not only furious about thier misunderstanding of my post, my intentions of writing the post, my tone in the post and the admissions systems (plus changing trends), but also these doom-monger(s) (people who only know how to say "Aiyoh, you cannot make it one lah") are so moronic that you'd feel like punching him. I never knew that these group of people exist in Singapore (again, must be those Ugly Singaporeans who are so enthusiastic in things like National Service, politics, being Singaporean & patriotic, being snobbish with intelligence, who downplays everyone else who has different attitudes than they themselves). Some of their posts really hurt, and it kept bothering me and my self-esteem when I was in Melaka. In another thread though, someone replied that, "It's the people who will create your experience, not the place" when arguing that I cannot always be sure that USA is the best place for my university education. He's right about that statement. The group of people in Singapore (the one I described above) plus the constant inner feeling of loneliness is chasing me out of Singapore in the first place. USA is one of the major chances I'm taking to turn this around. So I thought it over, aside from Junior College and Polytechnic next year, one of the routes I can take is the Center of American Education-Broward College route (as described in my previous blog, doing the university core curriculum in Singapore when I do National Service, and transfer my credits over when I'm ready).
However, this route is still uncertain as it's off the beaten path (though a more assuring one due to accreditation, licensure and endorsement). Going on this shortcut means the only certificate I have to present to the university after National Service is the O Levels, and there's uncertainty whether I'd do well or not. Plus how am I going to fill in the extra-curricular section of the Common Application form? Since I wouldn't get my chance to improve my extra-curricular performance as I won't be going to either JC or Poly, the only thing I can fill in is my miserable CCA results from secondary school. How am I going to get into the more prestigious ones like that? The CAE claims one (or more) of its students made it to Columbia University (my dream college) after the program, but what is this student(s) like in his/her/their transcripts? Furthermore, I've only 2 years to save up (but to pay for only 2+ years of undergraduate college, as compared to the traditional 4 years), and as for the National Service requirement? I'm not ready. But this is the path of more guaranteed hope. This is the fastest way to the USA. The 60 credits I do in Singapore can save up to 2 years worth of college fees (hundreds of thousands of dollars). I have 2 years more to consider whether Architecture is really right for me (and if not, I have more majors to choose from once in USA, as compared to the courses in Poly, although JC gives you 4 years), and people there all have the same vision and goal, to get into an American college, meaning there's a higher chance of me fitting in there than in JC/Poly. Furthermore, I'm highly likely to join the Police Force in National Service, which I really want, and the only thing I'd look forward to in National Service (plus self-defense skills are useful in preventing being victimised from crime in the USA). Anyway I don't mind moving on to places like the University of Oregon, or North Carolina State University, as long as I fit in there and it fits in most of my needs & wants (because I only need the degree to be recognised by a good American graduate school; that's where prestige becomes more important).
There's another route though. I could go to National Service first, then enrol into an American high school (most likely, Sasha's and Misha's high school, Lawrence North in Indianapolis) for 1-2 years, before heading off to college. Even higher chances into American colleges like that, with a hand at American curriculum and extra-curriculars. But the problem is my O Levels essentially allows me to be accepted into college already (they'll ask, 'for what?'), and costs will be even higher (imagine 2+4 years of paying exorbitant prices). So this route is still under 'investigation'.
Plans for this week onwards? Gathering with Benjamin, Kian Leong and Randal with full of content to chit-chat about,and next Tuesday is my flight to Beijing (Singapore Airlines and cold climate once again!). I've always wanted to go to Beijing because I was impressed with its pre-Olympic development, but only now when interest is gradually fading then this trip was announced. LOL. The 2 weeks when O Level results are released will be the busy week of not only collecting results, but visiting schools during open houses and 'serious route consideration'. Then I will start planning my next few months again. Where I go (JC, Poly, NS+CAE, or NS+AHS) is uncertain; it depends on my results and my soul searching. The song below is a rather optimistic Japanese song, called Kanashimi Ni Makenaide/悲しみに負けないで by Mikuni Shimokawa:
Lyrics:
一人きり泣きそうになる
夜なんで幾つもある
終わりのない旅の途中
誰だって夢見ている
いつも何かを信じて
そして何かを失って
君を抱きしめた
流した涙の数は
優しさに変わって行く
きっと
悲しみに負けないで
まっすぐに明日を見ていて
一人じゃない 誰もみんな
叶える願がある
明日の風はきっと
優しい香りをつれて来る
約束だよ どんな時も
きっと君の側にいる
言葉では言えないほど
募ってく思いがある
木枯らしに抱かれる夜は
切なさも強さにして
出会いはいつも突然
響く鐘の音のように
やって来る
君が手にした全てが
明日へ繋がればいい
だから
悲しみにさようなら
瞳閉じてそして笑って
忘れられない 思い出たち
少しずつ抱きしめて
たとえ遠く離れても
いつも君だけに祈るから
君が歩く道の上に
花が咲きますように
星空を見上げながら
見果てぬ夢追い掛けて
いつか風になる
もっと自由に
悲しみに負けないで
まっすぐに明日を見ていて
一人じゃない 誰もみんな
叶える願がある
逢いたいと思うから
いつでも声が聞きたいから
過ぎ去って行く季節に今
ありがとうと言えるよ
Romanji:
Hitorikiri nakisou ni naru
Yoru nante ikutsu mo aru
Owari no nai tabi no tochuu
Dare datte yume miteiru
Itsumo nanika wo shinjite
Soshite nanika wo ushinatte
Kimi wo dakishimeta
Nagashita namida no kazu wa
Yasashisa ni kawatte yuku
Kitto
Kanashimi ni makenaide
Massugu ni ashita wo miteite
Hitori ja nai dare mo minna
Kanaeru negai ga aru
Ashita no kaze wa kitto
Yasashii kaori wo tsurete kuru
Yakusoku da yo donna toki mo
Kitto kimi no soba ni iru
Kotoba de wa ienai hodo
Tsumotteku omoi ga aru
Kogarashi ni dakareru yoru wa
Setsunasa mo tsuyosa ni shite
Deai wa itsumo totsuzen
Hibiku kane no ne no you ni
Yatte kuru
Kimi ga te ni shita subete ga
Ashita e tsunagareba ii
Dakara
Kanashimi ni sayounara
Hitomi tojite soshite waratte
Wasurerarenai omoide-tachi
Sukoshi zutsu dakishimete
Tatoe tooku hanarete mo
Itsumo kimi dake ni inoru kara
Kimi ga aruku michi no ue ni
Hana ga sakimasu you ni
Hoshizora wo miagenagara
Mihatenu yume oikakete
Itsuka kaze ni naru
Motto jiyuu ni
Kanashimi ni makenaide
Massugu ni ashita wo miteite
Hitori ja nai daremo minna
Kanaeru negai ga aru
Aitai to omou kara
Itsudemo koe ga kikitai kara
Sugisatte yuku kisetsu ni ima
Arigatou to ieru yo
Translation:
There are many nights when i feel like crying alone
On this endless journey, everyone is dreaming
Having faith in something, then losing something in return
I embraced you
But my tears will soon turn into gentleness
Surely
Dont lose to sorrow, look towards the tomorrow straight ahead
You're not alone, everyone has dreams to make true
Tomorrow's wind will surely bring along a gentle scent
I promise that i will always be by your side
There are so many things i want to tell you
When I am blown by cold wind i will turn sadness into strength
We always meet so suddenly, like an echo of a bell
It'd be great if everything you grabbed in your hand is connected to tomorrow
That's why
Say good-bye to sorrow, close your eyes and laugh
Embrace the unforgettable wishes little by little
Even if we are separated far away, I will always pray for you
That flowers will bloom on the road you walk on
Looking up at the starry sky, I'll chase the never-ending dream
Then someday I will become the wind, and become more free...
Dont lose to sorrow, look towards the tomorrow straight ahead
You're not alone, everyone has dreams to make true
Tomorrow's wind will surely bring along a gentle scent
I promise that i will always be by your side
Because I want to stay by your side, listen to your voice whenever i want
I can say thank you to the seasons that pass by
The end of secondary school: O Levels, Dinner & Dance, the December break, and the future
Dinner & Dance 2009 (Prom & after)
I really don't feel like typing but I have to otherwise my brain will constantly bog me to stop bottling it up (even though I released some of it in yesterday's counselling session). Prom was fun and was really something to remember. At first I was a little embarrased wearing & carrying 'business style dress code' on my way to L'Hotel Rendezvous via MRT. Then I entered the lobby and found myself a little under-dressed, so I quickly put on my jacket. I found Adryan in Texas 'formal cowboy' style 'tuxedo', and Glen in some 'latest fashion' Winter Season New York that you'll typically find in Saks Fifth Avenue boutiques (did he get a discount for being the first few customers to make those boutiques profitable from winter season sales or did he get slapped with a 8.375% New York State tax plus 7% American GST? LOL). Then Yiliang came up to me wearing the Black Tie Affair dress code you'd see in Las Vegas. And I have to be honest, he looks damn good in it. It seems like he (or his body) was born to dress up. Also met Randal and Timothy outside the ballroom, both without second layers (are they thinking that the ballroom is a pub? just joking). In the ballroom where the 5 star Chinese cuisine is served onto Table 14 where I sat next to the rather quiet Adeline (who's apparently here because of the price tag of $65 and not wanting to be here because of the fight with Dawn on the 2nd last day of school) and near Marcus (I was like 'He's here!? Why the hell did he sign up for Prom and dress up as if he's going to a beach party in Miami?). At Table 10 there was Siravit wearing double layers fit for nightlife in Thanon Sukhumwit. The girls dressed up and put make up as if they are going to an important fashion business conference in Paris. Among the girls was Wen Jun, who I'll see for the last time (she's leaving for Canada for a 5-11 month University Transfer/Immersion/Foundation Program before officially becoming a Freshman at a Canadian university). Among the alumni who organised the Prom was Edmond (surprised!) and I should have asked for a picture with him while he takes our photos inside & outside the ballroom. The Dance part of the Prom was wild (Picture a New Year's Eve in Bondi Beach of Sydney)! Tried to join in, but can't dance, and was a little too embarrasing just shaking your body. I dedicated a message, which goes:"To (my classmates in) 4F and my friends outside 4F, you have made my social circle come to life. Hope you'll realize your (wildest) dreams and see you again later in life." I could have added more, but anyway no one seems to be listening, so there's no point. Then there was after-prom, went to take the group photos, and then the 'controversial' (to me) after-prom 'program' organised by around 10 of my classmates begins. It was totally unexpected. At first they told me that they would just be watching a late-night movie at Plaza Singapura. They bought 2.30am tickets (!!!) and went back down to 7-Eleven. And guess what they brought out of 7-Eleven? A_ _ _ _ _ l and C_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ s, using Siravit to meet the age limit. It's not like I've never heard of them using them before, but just look at them. I know it's common of teenagers trying these things, and it's even more common in the USA, but, I have to be very blunt, when that 'all-innocent' Dawn finished a whole bottle of soda-like beer till she became drunk, when another 'innocent' Si Wei was almost lying on the floor taking in huge quantities, and when Yiliang looked like he's drinking against his will, it really gave the impression that they were in an extremely sorry state. Even with Siravit & Taufiq (another surprise!) s_ _ _ _ _g doesn't look as pathetic. Already that has got me thinking, I've been wanting to be included for so long, and I thought I am getting there, yet this has...disappointed me a little. The counsellor at Shan You and the Facebook quiz is right (3rd time mentioning), I felt excluded all along because I put them at the top tier of my social circle, yet the truth is that they are good friends, but sorry to say, they are simply not my type. Went to the billiard room at the former Le Meridian Hotel, felt too unconscious to play pool with them, Dawn fainted onto a couch, I looked out of the window, watching cars go by, swearing this is the last time ever I'm doing this. At 2am, made a move to the cinema, and watched Love Happens, loved it a lot. Taking place in Seattle, it indirectly inspires me even more to go to America, and helps me cope with my own losses. It's about (copied from Wikipedia) a widower's (Aaron Eckhart) book, A-Okay!, about coping with loss, turning him into a best-selling self-help guru. While conducting a bereavement seminar in Seattle, he falls for a woman (Jennifer Aniston) who is a florist providing flowers at the hotel. She helps him realize that he hasn't yet truly confronted his wife's death. After that, we went to the empty Kopitiam food court, and while discussing about the movie, I realized yet another difference between me and them, they don't like and don't understand the movie, while I felt the opposite, already indicating my fit in their clique. 'Lounged' around till around 5.30am, and made our way to the MRT station, only to find out that the station but not the trains have started operations. So Yiliang was the 1st to make a move via taxi (for any underlying but not obvious reason?) Siravit & Taufiq went back to the surface and pulled out c_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ s to s_ _ _ _, offering me one. I was extremely skeptical, should I accept? I felt my brain was in confusion. In the end, I declined one but shared with them a few times. How I felt was...neither good or bad. In fact I was confused with how I should feel. It's indescribable. Anyway, after that, we took a taxi back to Serangoon and I spent the last 15 minutes with them at McDonald's before going home. That last 15 minutes was also the last time I saw Siravit in person (he's going back to Bangkok for good to study at Mahidol University [ranked #220 by Times-QS Top University Rankings in 2009; not bad]), as I couldn't be at the airport to see him off this Saturday. You know, for Siravit being one of the most popular/significant student in my school, for his friendly, funny, witty, positive, playful, (but still) mature, educated personality, for all the good times both of us had together (as well as accepting me unconditionally as a friend), for our similarities and for everything he did, it's not possible to not miss him and remember him as someone significant in your secondary school years. Yet he may not feel the same way about me. And that night's 'horror' makes it easier for me to separate with the ~10 of them for life, although for Siravit's case, maybe a little more. And what about Yiliang whom I suspect (SUSPECT only; don't think too much) may be in the same boat as me? It can only be done reciprocally with him starting 1st. As for me & the future of my social circle, I really hope to find my fit, find where I truly belong to, and find my community. And that is yet another reason to inspire me to go to the USA.
Plans for this November/December
This Thursday, after 8 months of waiting (never waited so long before), I'm going back to Kuala Lumpur for 4 days (I seriously hope I can stay longer). Hope to talk about life with my cousins/relatives, help out a little at Shui Yee's mother's new restaurant, do the things/go to places I've always wanted to do/go in Kuala Lumpur (including living the life Shui Yee's been living), and most of all, get a respite from everything in Singapore (not to say I hate life in Singapore totally; don't think so much, I just want a break). And then later in December I'll go to my father company-organised trip in Melaka. The final one, experiencing -10 degree Celcius or colder for the first time, will be in Beijing (finally a trip on Singapore Airlines again! hopefully the plane used will be a B777-300ER), taking advantage of the pre-/post-Olympic developments such as the new subway lines, and the gigantic Terminal 3, among others. Hope Lonely Planet publishes a new edition of Beijing by then.
O Levels performance & release of results
I guess you've been for me to talk about it, so here is how I fared. How well I did on my English paper will determine my eligibility to go straight into an American university, which I partially screwed up, so I just hope for at least a B4. My performance in Social Studies will pull down my Combined Humanities, even if my answers in Geography are valid explanations & examples. My Science is unpredictable, though the Chemistry Paper 3 was easy and Physics Paper 2 was manageable. Elementary Mathematics could've been more lenient in the timings to let me have a chance to score full marks. Additional Mathematics had every question answered, though the scribbles don't guarantee much. And whether I pass it or not will seriously affect my choices in subject combinations if I'd go to Junior College next year. Design & Technology Theory Paper was a chance to over-elaborate, hopefully qualifying me with more marks. All-in-all, the O Levels were filled with unexpected questions, but was as manageable as the 'expected' questions.
Future in Singapore Polytechnic and American universities
Because of the controversy over examinations (that determines your future) such as the O Levels and A Levels, as well as the outlook of my performance in it, I would most likely end up in Singapore Polytechnic. I will no longer be persistent in choosing Junior Colleges, as after all, a lousy junior college will not guarantee me even more admission into a prestigious American university. And I'm tired of too much exam preparation culture. Also increasingly Singapore Polytechnic is getting more recognised by American universities. So I've decided that would be my most likely destination. In fact, I already have plans in mind. Other than pursuing my childhood dream of becoming an architect by joining the Diploma of Architecture, I will take the SAT Reasoning Test in January or June next year, and the SAT Subject Tests in November 2010 or 2011. I hope to qualify for Diploma Plus Certificate Course in Business. I'll study Korean, French, Spanish, or improve my Mandarin. I'll take up to 4 CCAs such as Changi Youth Ambassadors, Student Exchange Club, Adventurers, Buddhist Society, Assistant Courses & Careers Guidance Officers, Student Golf and start a new business following the guide Secrets Of Millionaire Students (and maybe incorporating this with a membership in SP's Student Entrepreneurial Club). I'll study the mandatory General Elective Modules in Backpacking, Appreciating Cross Cultural Differences, and Understanding the Secret in Life in each of the 3 clusters. Lastly I'll take 3 Advanced Placement (AP) exams or study college courses at the Centre of American Education in 2012. See, it's definitely more exciting than taking yet another exam in Junior College. And the A Levels used to have a higher guarantee; since I don't think I'll qualify for a good junior college, since I hate mugging for exams and I don't think I'd do much more fantastic than anybody else (American universities want to see your ranking in your cohort), I'd probably do better in Singapore Polytechnic. All of what I'm going to take in Singapore Polytechnic will be better resume-fillers than the A Levels with just a scattering of CCAs (even though I won't take them just to fill my college applications!).
I went to the Center of American Education/United States Educational Information Center yesterday. I was initially dismayed of the dilapilated facade of Bestway Building it was housed in. I went into the office, and found so many brochures of universities I wanted to go to! I went into their library, and found partially outdated catalogues of universities. Later, I talked to an officer, who introduced me to the 2 year Broward College program that can be taken in Singapore. They only required 4 O Level passes (indicated 'Cambridge') and has a decent reputation for transferring students to the 2nd or even 3rd year in prestigious universities. But in the end due to monetary (Citibank's and POSB's Education Loan is unable to rescue my mother's bank account for the moment) and obligatory issues (National Service, remember? Grrr...), I decided that if I were to come here, I will only attend on my final year of Polytechnic and during my National Service years. I think I can use their courses to prepare me for the AP Exams, can it?
Closing down of my other language blogs and starting of 2 new interest-based blogs
I figured out that it's better for non-English speaking readers to use online translation tools and not depend on me translating for them. At the same time, I will start a blog based on Travel & Living, and another based on the American College Admissions process for international students like me. And I will link the latter to a Facebook group of the same name. Keep a lookout.
This is a song from Pocahontas 2 (albeit a little childish but still meaningful and relevant to our situation) called Where Do I Go From Here?
I really don't feel like typing but I have to otherwise my brain will constantly bog me to stop bottling it up (even though I released some of it in yesterday's counselling session). Prom was fun and was really something to remember. At first I was a little embarrased wearing & carrying 'business style dress code' on my way to L'Hotel Rendezvous via MRT. Then I entered the lobby and found myself a little under-dressed, so I quickly put on my jacket. I found Adryan in Texas 'formal cowboy' style 'tuxedo', and Glen in some 'latest fashion' Winter Season New York that you'll typically find in Saks Fifth Avenue boutiques (did he get a discount for being the first few customers to make those boutiques profitable from winter season sales or did he get slapped with a 8.375% New York State tax plus 7% American GST? LOL). Then Yiliang came up to me wearing the Black Tie Affair dress code you'd see in Las Vegas. And I have to be honest, he looks damn good in it. It seems like he (or his body) was born to dress up. Also met Randal and Timothy outside the ballroom, both without second layers (are they thinking that the ballroom is a pub? just joking). In the ballroom where the 5 star Chinese cuisine is served onto Table 14 where I sat next to the rather quiet Adeline (who's apparently here because of the price tag of $65 and not wanting to be here because of the fight with Dawn on the 2nd last day of school) and near Marcus (I was like 'He's here!? Why the hell did he sign up for Prom and dress up as if he's going to a beach party in Miami?). At Table 10 there was Siravit wearing double layers fit for nightlife in Thanon Sukhumwit. The girls dressed up and put make up as if they are going to an important fashion business conference in Paris. Among the girls was Wen Jun, who I'll see for the last time (she's leaving for Canada for a 5-11 month University Transfer/Immersion/Foundation Program before officially becoming a Freshman at a Canadian university). Among the alumni who organised the Prom was Edmond (surprised!) and I should have asked for a picture with him while he takes our photos inside & outside the ballroom. The Dance part of the Prom was wild (Picture a New Year's Eve in Bondi Beach of Sydney)! Tried to join in, but can't dance, and was a little too embarrasing just shaking your body. I dedicated a message, which goes:"To (my classmates in) 4F and my friends outside 4F, you have made my social circle come to life. Hope you'll realize your (wildest) dreams and see you again later in life." I could have added more, but anyway no one seems to be listening, so there's no point. Then there was after-prom, went to take the group photos, and then the 'controversial' (to me) after-prom 'program' organised by around 10 of my classmates begins. It was totally unexpected. At first they told me that they would just be watching a late-night movie at Plaza Singapura. They bought 2.30am tickets (!!!) and went back down to 7-Eleven. And guess what they brought out of 7-Eleven? A_ _ _ _ _ l and C_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ s, using Siravit to meet the age limit. It's not like I've never heard of them using them before, but just look at them. I know it's common of teenagers trying these things, and it's even more common in the USA, but, I have to be very blunt, when that 'all-innocent' Dawn finished a whole bottle of soda-like beer till she became drunk, when another 'innocent' Si Wei was almost lying on the floor taking in huge quantities, and when Yiliang looked like he's drinking against his will, it really gave the impression that they were in an extremely sorry state. Even with Siravit & Taufiq (another surprise!) s_ _ _ _ _g doesn't look as pathetic. Already that has got me thinking, I've been wanting to be included for so long, and I thought I am getting there, yet this has...disappointed me a little. The counsellor at Shan You and the Facebook quiz is right (3rd time mentioning), I felt excluded all along because I put them at the top tier of my social circle, yet the truth is that they are good friends, but sorry to say, they are simply not my type. Went to the billiard room at the former Le Meridian Hotel, felt too unconscious to play pool with them, Dawn fainted onto a couch, I looked out of the window, watching cars go by, swearing this is the last time ever I'm doing this. At 2am, made a move to the cinema, and watched Love Happens, loved it a lot. Taking place in Seattle, it indirectly inspires me even more to go to America, and helps me cope with my own losses. It's about (copied from Wikipedia) a widower's (Aaron Eckhart) book, A-Okay!, about coping with loss, turning him into a best-selling self-help guru. While conducting a bereavement seminar in Seattle, he falls for a woman (Jennifer Aniston) who is a florist providing flowers at the hotel. She helps him realize that he hasn't yet truly confronted his wife's death. After that, we went to the empty Kopitiam food court, and while discussing about the movie, I realized yet another difference between me and them, they don't like and don't understand the movie, while I felt the opposite, already indicating my fit in their clique. 'Lounged' around till around 5.30am, and made our way to the MRT station, only to find out that the station but not the trains have started operations. So Yiliang was the 1st to make a move via taxi (for any underlying but not obvious reason?) Siravit & Taufiq went back to the surface and pulled out c_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ s to s_ _ _ _, offering me one. I was extremely skeptical, should I accept? I felt my brain was in confusion. In the end, I declined one but shared with them a few times. How I felt was...neither good or bad. In fact I was confused with how I should feel. It's indescribable. Anyway, after that, we took a taxi back to Serangoon and I spent the last 15 minutes with them at McDonald's before going home. That last 15 minutes was also the last time I saw Siravit in person (he's going back to Bangkok for good to study at Mahidol University [ranked #220 by Times-QS Top University Rankings in 2009; not bad]), as I couldn't be at the airport to see him off this Saturday. You know, for Siravit being one of the most popular/significant student in my school, for his friendly, funny, witty, positive, playful, (but still) mature, educated personality, for all the good times both of us had together (as well as accepting me unconditionally as a friend), for our similarities and for everything he did, it's not possible to not miss him and remember him as someone significant in your secondary school years. Yet he may not feel the same way about me. And that night's 'horror' makes it easier for me to separate with the ~10 of them for life, although for Siravit's case, maybe a little more. And what about Yiliang whom I suspect (SUSPECT only; don't think too much) may be in the same boat as me? It can only be done reciprocally with him starting 1st. As for me & the future of my social circle, I really hope to find my fit, find where I truly belong to, and find my community. And that is yet another reason to inspire me to go to the USA.
Plans for this November/December
This Thursday, after 8 months of waiting (never waited so long before), I'm going back to Kuala Lumpur for 4 days (I seriously hope I can stay longer). Hope to talk about life with my cousins/relatives, help out a little at Shui Yee's mother's new restaurant, do the things/go to places I've always wanted to do/go in Kuala Lumpur (including living the life Shui Yee's been living), and most of all, get a respite from everything in Singapore (not to say I hate life in Singapore totally; don't think so much, I just want a break). And then later in December I'll go to my father company-organised trip in Melaka. The final one, experiencing -10 degree Celcius or colder for the first time, will be in Beijing (finally a trip on Singapore Airlines again! hopefully the plane used will be a B777-300ER), taking advantage of the pre-/post-Olympic developments such as the new subway lines, and the gigantic Terminal 3, among others. Hope Lonely Planet publishes a new edition of Beijing by then.
O Levels performance & release of results
I guess you've been for me to talk about it, so here is how I fared. How well I did on my English paper will determine my eligibility to go straight into an American university, which I partially screwed up, so I just hope for at least a B4. My performance in Social Studies will pull down my Combined Humanities, even if my answers in Geography are valid explanations & examples. My Science is unpredictable, though the Chemistry Paper 3 was easy and Physics Paper 2 was manageable. Elementary Mathematics could've been more lenient in the timings to let me have a chance to score full marks. Additional Mathematics had every question answered, though the scribbles don't guarantee much. And whether I pass it or not will seriously affect my choices in subject combinations if I'd go to Junior College next year. Design & Technology Theory Paper was a chance to over-elaborate, hopefully qualifying me with more marks. All-in-all, the O Levels were filled with unexpected questions, but was as manageable as the 'expected' questions.
Future in Singapore Polytechnic and American universities
Because of the controversy over examinations (that determines your future) such as the O Levels and A Levels, as well as the outlook of my performance in it, I would most likely end up in Singapore Polytechnic. I will no longer be persistent in choosing Junior Colleges, as after all, a lousy junior college will not guarantee me even more admission into a prestigious American university. And I'm tired of too much exam preparation culture. Also increasingly Singapore Polytechnic is getting more recognised by American universities. So I've decided that would be my most likely destination. In fact, I already have plans in mind. Other than pursuing my childhood dream of becoming an architect by joining the Diploma of Architecture, I will take the SAT Reasoning Test in January or June next year, and the SAT Subject Tests in November 2010 or 2011. I hope to qualify for Diploma Plus Certificate Course in Business. I'll study Korean, French, Spanish, or improve my Mandarin. I'll take up to 4 CCAs such as Changi Youth Ambassadors, Student Exchange Club, Adventurers, Buddhist Society, Assistant Courses & Careers Guidance Officers, Student Golf and start a new business following the guide Secrets Of Millionaire Students (and maybe incorporating this with a membership in SP's Student Entrepreneurial Club). I'll study the mandatory General Elective Modules in Backpacking, Appreciating Cross Cultural Differences, and Understanding the Secret in Life in each of the 3 clusters. Lastly I'll take 3 Advanced Placement (AP) exams or study college courses at the Centre of American Education in 2012. See, it's definitely more exciting than taking yet another exam in Junior College. And the A Levels used to have a higher guarantee; since I don't think I'll qualify for a good junior college, since I hate mugging for exams and I don't think I'd do much more fantastic than anybody else (American universities want to see your ranking in your cohort), I'd probably do better in Singapore Polytechnic. All of what I'm going to take in Singapore Polytechnic will be better resume-fillers than the A Levels with just a scattering of CCAs (even though I won't take them just to fill my college applications!).
I went to the Center of American Education/United States Educational Information Center yesterday. I was initially dismayed of the dilapilated facade of Bestway Building it was housed in. I went into the office, and found so many brochures of universities I wanted to go to! I went into their library, and found partially outdated catalogues of universities. Later, I talked to an officer, who introduced me to the 2 year Broward College program that can be taken in Singapore. They only required 4 O Level passes (indicated 'Cambridge') and has a decent reputation for transferring students to the 2nd or even 3rd year in prestigious universities. But in the end due to monetary (Citibank's and POSB's Education Loan is unable to rescue my mother's bank account for the moment) and obligatory issues (National Service, remember? Grrr...), I decided that if I were to come here, I will only attend on my final year of Polytechnic and during my National Service years. I think I can use their courses to prepare me for the AP Exams, can it?
Closing down of my other language blogs and starting of 2 new interest-based blogs
I figured out that it's better for non-English speaking readers to use online translation tools and not depend on me translating for them. At the same time, I will start a blog based on Travel & Living, and another based on the American College Admissions process for international students like me. And I will link the latter to a Facebook group of the same name. Keep a lookout.
This is a song from Pocahontas 2 (albeit a little childish but still meaningful and relevant to our situation) called Where Do I Go From Here?
The story of how I come to be today (New)
Yesterday, I went for my O Level Science Practical Paper 5 Exam. I was nearly frightened to death at times, when there was misinterpretation of instructions in the Physics section and there was no precipitate formed when it was supposed to in the Chemistry section, but the rest is still...fine. I can only hope for the best results...and hopefully I'll perform much better in next week's O Level written exams.
After the exam, I was hungry, and as pathetic (or what other words can I use?) as it may sound, I wanted to join my classmates (or anybody) for lunch, but as I expected I was not asked out, even though I was right in front of them. So I followed them far behind to the food court, and act as if I'm eating on my own coincidentally in the same place as them. When I was ordering food, Alvin saw me & invited me to sit with them, so I agreed, albeit doubtfully (it's true!). Because they were rather neutral & quiet when I sat down with them, I felt like I wasn't comfortable to intrude their meal. We didn't talk much at all, and I was quiet definitely not because I don't like talking to them, but because I was figuring out the right words and the right time to talk (this apples to all other times when I seem quiet). But I didn't even have a chance to talk, as a while later they got up from their seats and left me eating in a lurch. Only Siravit & Alvin was nice enough to say bye to me. Still I was feeling upset already (definitely not because I find it rude, but because I'm actually forgotten). When I walked to the bus stop I strapped my headphones over my head and boarded the same bus as they were boarding. When I alighted at Serangoon Gardens (also where they were alighting), I quickly ran away in the opposite direction of where they were going to the video rental shop, 'crying' without tears. 'Sigh'.
You know something? This is the result of the past. My history and our history as classmates. I have to reveal this since I'm seriously getting very upset with the way my classmates are treating me. I know (or realized long ago), they are not bad people at all, but still, because of their misunderstanding of me, they are now too formal & polite to me, and do not treat me like one of them. Even some of the teachers in the school are like that. Was there a rumour spreading around in school about me? I'm sick & tired of them giving me 'falsified' acceptance, and at other times giving me the silent treatment while facing their backs towards me. I'm not their boss, a 'little emperor', a 'model'/obedient/'over-mature' kid, or arrogant of my supposedly upscale background. This year particularly, I've tried my best to accept them, be part of them, create friendships with them, etc, despite having trouble with my confidence & courage to show the real me. It's just too bad they don't see my motives, as I yearn for their acceptance. It seems like everytime I include myself in their clique (in school or outside), I'm being overly-inclusive, or when I invite them to my birthday party & barbeque, I'm trying to show off my surface life or my stuff. There is progress in my friendship but they might be distancing themselves away from me because I whine too much and saw my pessimistic comments on Facebook. Why do I look like I'm anti-social? Why are they scared of me? Is my face/body language saying something else? I learnt from Jay McGraw's Life Strategies For Teens, in the 'We Teach People How To Treat Us' chapter, that if I treat myself with misery & negativity, they will do the same to me. Could this be a reason? Or since they clearly don't understand me at all, they simply don't know how to treat me, so they don't approach me at all or be formal while only talking to me the essential things? Maybe they are scared of me because when we first started out in Sec 3, I created a scene in the Sec 3 Camp & excluded myself from the program (as a retribution to the organisers who forced me into the camp), plus I threw tantrums not once but a few times in Math class where she over scolds to the point I couldn't take it, when I fell into depression in April 2008, when I had issues with coming to school (including questioning authorities about every single thing), when I skipped lessons, when I often excused myself to go to the school counsellor, when I had CCA problems, when I portrayed (intentionally or not) a sulking/emotional face, when I severed ties and ridiculed with Wilson and Marcus (what was everyone thinking when I did that?), when I was mentally disturbed by Darryl & Thaddeus, etc. I admit I didn't have a good impression of my classmates at the start as well and was a little suspicious of them(not because of arrogance), but I soon realise they are not bad people either. Do I look like I'm centering my world in theirs? Do I look like I'm ranking my social position above them? They seriously don't understand my life & past; just because I have a big house, my parents can afford a chalet in the middle of July, and my family look peaceful, they think I live in a perfect background, so they think I'm after all arrogant. REALITY CHECK: It's my painful growing up years in a conflicting environment of ideas among family members, plus my troubled history that have created me for what I am today. I was 'reportedly' a troublesome baby, I was probably crying 300 times a year in my toddler age, in Primary 1 I was tamed by an understanding form teacher, in the rest of my Primary school years I was still trying to fight off unnecessary tears both at home & in school, finding my real friends (which I fortunately had), challenging the arrogance of girl gangs & the better classes, resisting the cane my father was still using as an easy but unreasonable way out, being violent to my siblings, unsuccessfully attempted my first suicide in Primary 3, went to a psychiatrist who told my mother, "there's something wrong with him which we're unable to decipher but he'll outgrow it as he grows up", in Sec 1 & 2 tried to fight off harassing by a few classmates (and was upset not because I'm bullied, but because of my inability to respond properly), and more. And these 2 years I had problems at home that included fights with my father over the computer, the room, the handphone, his unreasonability, etc. In fact, if not for my high IQ (not boasting!) I would have Down's syndrome, Autism, or any other mental illness/disorder (although Personality Disorders are possible regardless of IQ). You may tell me at this point, "don't think so much", "don't get upset over little things", " don't exaggerate/percieve/be paranoid/sensitive", but the thing is I've experienced too much of it to not get upset about it, and if I don't vomit out my thoughts, it'll seriously plague my O Levels next week. Back to my classmates, I'm tired of trying, because no matter what, both parties know I don't fit in, so I give up. There's simply no point of going on trying to include myself. And whenever I feel extremely lonely in class, I'd remember a theory given to me by a Facebook quiz result which seems to make sense,"You have good friends, but they're not your type." So from now on, whenever they don't want me in, I encourage them to clearly request me to not include myself, and not feel guilty about upsetting me. But I still acknowledge that at least a few of them are not like that; for that I'm really grateful for your willingness. As for the rest, I have decided if they like it better this way, I'll close my friendship with them, till we meet again later in life. NOTE: I'm not writing this out of self pity, it's how I really feel about this situation.
For now, let's play a song as a 'tribute' to her 8 years in Singapore, as well as a song to 'remorse' the status of my friendships with my classmates:
Translation:
IF I COULD ONLY GO BACK
Oh how I've wasted the precious moments we once had.
You were already in my life, why did I look for someone else
And now I realize that you're the one I'm longing for
I regret all my actions (of ever doubting you)
Why are regrets always at the end
What has already passed can never be recaptured
What a waste, why did I doubt for even a moment?
And now here I am, crying from regret.
Chorus:
If I could only go back
To the love you once had (for me)
I would nurture and care for it.
If I could only go back
To the way our world used to be
The only thing I'd ever want is to be with you always
What a waste, why did I doubt for even a moment.
And now here I am, crying from regret.
(repeat chorus)
Coda:
If I could only go back
To the way our world used to be,
The only thing I'll ever want is to be with you
After the exam, I was hungry, and as pathetic (or what other words can I use?) as it may sound, I wanted to join my classmates (or anybody) for lunch, but as I expected I was not asked out, even though I was right in front of them. So I followed them far behind to the food court, and act as if I'm eating on my own coincidentally in the same place as them. When I was ordering food, Alvin saw me & invited me to sit with them, so I agreed, albeit doubtfully (it's true!). Because they were rather neutral & quiet when I sat down with them, I felt like I wasn't comfortable to intrude their meal. We didn't talk much at all, and I was quiet definitely not because I don't like talking to them, but because I was figuring out the right words and the right time to talk (this apples to all other times when I seem quiet). But I didn't even have a chance to talk, as a while later they got up from their seats and left me eating in a lurch. Only Siravit & Alvin was nice enough to say bye to me. Still I was feeling upset already (definitely not because I find it rude, but because I'm actually forgotten). When I walked to the bus stop I strapped my headphones over my head and boarded the same bus as they were boarding. When I alighted at Serangoon Gardens (also where they were alighting), I quickly ran away in the opposite direction of where they were going to the video rental shop, 'crying' without tears. 'Sigh'.
You know something? This is the result of the past. My history and our history as classmates. I have to reveal this since I'm seriously getting very upset with the way my classmates are treating me. I know (or realized long ago), they are not bad people at all, but still, because of their misunderstanding of me, they are now too formal & polite to me, and do not treat me like one of them. Even some of the teachers in the school are like that. Was there a rumour spreading around in school about me? I'm sick & tired of them giving me 'falsified' acceptance, and at other times giving me the silent treatment while facing their backs towards me. I'm not their boss, a 'little emperor', a 'model'/obedient/'over-mature' kid, or arrogant of my supposedly upscale background. This year particularly, I've tried my best to accept them, be part of them, create friendships with them, etc, despite having trouble with my confidence & courage to show the real me. It's just too bad they don't see my motives, as I yearn for their acceptance. It seems like everytime I include myself in their clique (in school or outside), I'm being overly-inclusive, or when I invite them to my birthday party & barbeque, I'm trying to show off my surface life or my stuff. There is progress in my friendship but they might be distancing themselves away from me because I whine too much and saw my pessimistic comments on Facebook. Why do I look like I'm anti-social? Why are they scared of me? Is my face/body language saying something else? I learnt from Jay McGraw's Life Strategies For Teens, in the 'We Teach People How To Treat Us' chapter, that if I treat myself with misery & negativity, they will do the same to me. Could this be a reason? Or since they clearly don't understand me at all, they simply don't know how to treat me, so they don't approach me at all or be formal while only talking to me the essential things? Maybe they are scared of me because when we first started out in Sec 3, I created a scene in the Sec 3 Camp & excluded myself from the program (as a retribution to the organisers who forced me into the camp), plus I threw tantrums not once but a few times in Math class where she over scolds to the point I couldn't take it, when I fell into depression in April 2008, when I had issues with coming to school (including questioning authorities about every single thing), when I skipped lessons, when I often excused myself to go to the school counsellor, when I had CCA problems, when I portrayed (intentionally or not) a sulking/emotional face, when I severed ties and ridiculed with Wilson and Marcus (what was everyone thinking when I did that?), when I was mentally disturbed by Darryl & Thaddeus, etc. I admit I didn't have a good impression of my classmates at the start as well and was a little suspicious of them(not because of arrogance), but I soon realise they are not bad people either. Do I look like I'm centering my world in theirs? Do I look like I'm ranking my social position above them? They seriously don't understand my life & past; just because I have a big house, my parents can afford a chalet in the middle of July, and my family look peaceful, they think I live in a perfect background, so they think I'm after all arrogant. REALITY CHECK: It's my painful growing up years in a conflicting environment of ideas among family members, plus my troubled history that have created me for what I am today. I was 'reportedly' a troublesome baby, I was probably crying 300 times a year in my toddler age, in Primary 1 I was tamed by an understanding form teacher, in the rest of my Primary school years I was still trying to fight off unnecessary tears both at home & in school, finding my real friends (which I fortunately had), challenging the arrogance of girl gangs & the better classes, resisting the cane my father was still using as an easy but unreasonable way out, being violent to my siblings, unsuccessfully attempted my first suicide in Primary 3, went to a psychiatrist who told my mother, "there's something wrong with him which we're unable to decipher but he'll outgrow it as he grows up", in Sec 1 & 2 tried to fight off harassing by a few classmates (and was upset not because I'm bullied, but because of my inability to respond properly), and more. And these 2 years I had problems at home that included fights with my father over the computer, the room, the handphone, his unreasonability, etc. In fact, if not for my high IQ (not boasting!) I would have Down's syndrome, Autism, or any other mental illness/disorder (although Personality Disorders are possible regardless of IQ). You may tell me at this point, "don't think so much", "don't get upset over little things", " don't exaggerate/percieve/be paranoid/sensitive", but the thing is I've experienced too much of it to not get upset about it, and if I don't vomit out my thoughts, it'll seriously plague my O Levels next week. Back to my classmates, I'm tired of trying, because no matter what, both parties know I don't fit in, so I give up. There's simply no point of going on trying to include myself. And whenever I feel extremely lonely in class, I'd remember a theory given to me by a Facebook quiz result which seems to make sense,"You have good friends, but they're not your type." So from now on, whenever they don't want me in, I encourage them to clearly request me to not include myself, and not feel guilty about upsetting me. But I still acknowledge that at least a few of them are not like that; for that I'm really grateful for your willingness. As for the rest, I have decided if they like it better this way, I'll close my friendship with them, till we meet again later in life. NOTE: I'm not writing this out of self pity, it's how I really feel about this situation.
Due to my 'traumatic' past, I was comparing my school life with my American cousin's school life, and complained that I was not in the USA to get a chance to enjoy a much more enjoyable high school life. Since evidence & relatives warn me against having the principle that the grass is always greener on the other side of the globe, I thought about entering the USA at another life phase, so I explored the university option. Since I was extremely impressed by the 'paradise' of university life, my dream was born. There are too many reasons why I want to go there, but the core ones are to leave all traces of my horrid past behind, start a new life, totally change my social life forever, be able to access to all the opportunities & availability not known in Singapore, show everyone I know that I'm not 'over' or 'gone case' yet, just because of my errors/problems in my past & present, as well as to avoid going to re-service; doing so is going against my morales. But way before I was thinking about America, when I was in Primary 3, I was already impressed with Toronto for its high standard of living, good quality of life, proximity to the USA, 4 seasons, multiculturalism, peace, crime free records, etc., and I had an ambition to go there to live one day. This idea still lives till today, but now that I'm more impressed with USA, plus doing a reality check on the liveabiltity of USA, I'm convinced to go to USA first before retreating to Toronto permanantly. I know some people think I'm blind to the reality of the USA, i.e. the guns, racism/second class citizen treatment, local problems, etc., but I know these problems. It's because I understand the real America that I still want to go there. I have been using the thought of America to combat my loneliness, sadness, depression, hopelessness, to cheer myself up, but I know that sometimes I get overly paranoid with this desire. That's why I sometimes appear to use USA as an escape route from my difficulties in Singapore. And I'm not the only one. Yesterday in the waiting area after the Paper 5 exam, I discovered Benjamin also have dreams to go to the USA (mainly because of basketball). He even told me he wished he was born there so that he had a chance to be taller for basketball, and he looks forward to his trip to California this November, just like mine in December 2007. And oh yes, my 2007 California vacation also made me fall in love with the USA, especially on our first night in San Francisco's nightly atmosphere, the road trips, and friendly locals (particularly the Chinese). I just love it! Imagine everytime I take leave from school/work in the future I can do this. The country is simply too attractive to trun any offer/opportunity down. But of course, if I'm one day tired of the wilder culture of America, I can always move up north to Toronto, where my 'praises' of Canada is another story altogether. The point here is I'm not going to America because I want people to appreciate/miss/treasure me more (at least not now), or because I hate Singapore or National Service for causing me problems & worries (I do not have any grudges), but it's seriously time for me/my turn to find my place in the world, where I truly belong.
Auntie Russel left permanently today at 6.30 am on Jetstar Airways flight 3K651 bound for Manila's Ninoy Aquino International Airport. This marks the end of her career as a maid. And everyone's going to miss her, because she's no ordinary maid (care to add her on Friendster and Facebook? or perhaps invite her to play a guitar in your next concert?). She saw me grow up for the past 8 years (essentially half of my life) and now she has returned, my chest feels very heavy. I couldn't do much the whole day, because things are never going to be the same again. And something worth mentioning: After saying goodbye to so many people so many times for the past 2 years, I really cannot take it anymore. I cannot continue to be 'heartbroken' for the rest of my life. I want to join all these people whom I've said goodbye to for the past 2 years in their travels or lives around the world. It'll feel a lot different if you are the one travelling and not the one who's stuck in 1 country and saying goodbyes all the time. And that would be another reason why I want to leave Singapore as soon as my turn comes to borad with a one-way ticket.For now, let's play a song as a 'tribute' to her 8 years in Singapore, as well as a song to 'remorse' the status of my friendships with my classmates:
Translation:
IF I COULD ONLY GO BACK
Oh how I've wasted the precious moments we once had.
You were already in my life, why did I look for someone else
And now I realize that you're the one I'm longing for
I regret all my actions (of ever doubting you)
Why are regrets always at the end
What has already passed can never be recaptured
What a waste, why did I doubt for even a moment?
And now here I am, crying from regret.
Chorus:
If I could only go back
To the love you once had (for me)
I would nurture and care for it.
If I could only go back
To the way our world used to be
The only thing I'd ever want is to be with you always
What a waste, why did I doubt for even a moment.
And now here I am, crying from regret.
(repeat chorus)
Coda:
If I could only go back
To the way our world used to be,
The only thing I'll ever want is to be with you
TEN days to O Levels...not looking good...at all.
Daunting piles of assignments (yet not giving me a guarantee that I'll be prepared), long to-do list, each assignment taking longer than expected, unpredictable & unfavourable weather, rising & falling motivation and energy levels, tutors & teachers that no longer gave me assurance of doing well, Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome, time constraints, caffeine & supplements not working much, attention span very short, and so far at most 40% of work is completed. I'm tired. I'm at a loss. I occasionally feel so nauseous. I don't know what to do. O Levels are 10 days away, and yet I'm still not prepared. There's no guarantee at all to where I may go after O Levels. I'm so sick of taking examinations that totally determines my life-and-death of my future opportunities. I hate the way Singapore's education system centres itself around major examinations, the way that the government rewards the elites for being elite and have forgotten about us, and the way that in terms of qualifications the major examinations are being relied on too heavily for admission into anywhere. An inherited British-patterned education that spares little thought for students. Because of this, I wanted to take the International Baccalaureate Program after this hurdle, because it has better international university entrance recognition than the A Levels, but without that big fateful examination at the end, more subjects to choose from, and much better paced than the A Levels, but again, the government makes it difficult by only setting up 1 IB World School in a local elite school, so you 1) pay with an O Level cut-off-point of 5, plus grueling hours and facing the snobbish attitude of ACS (Independent), 2) pay up literally tens of thousands of dollars to international schools offering the program (where the money could be used to pay for university instead), not forgetting you need government's permission and more relaxed hours are not guaranteed, or 3) forget about it. Why are there so limited opportunities in Singapore? Even Malaysian students have a choice of taking UEC if not wanting to take the STPM, and entrance to an international school is much easier. Why does the Singapore government have so much confidence in its local education system (just because some bright kids from elite schools are stronger in Maths & Science than the Americans) that alternatives are almost impossible? What about the rest of us? Just throw us in Polytechnics and lousy Junior Colleges? Can we stop creating a culture here? If I have a child in the future, I'm definitely not putting him/her through Singapore schooling & National Service (if my child is male). And I'll make sure he/she'd be born in North America to do that.
I've been strucked by unluckiness lately. On Wednesday, I went to school, but when I reached, I realised some of my things are at home. So I had to go home and take it and go back to school, wasting over 1 hour to do so (and make my teacher wait for 1 hour), because transportation is taking their own sweet time (buses) or charging too much (taxis). I was so pissed off. What did I do to deserve making double trips? Why should my forgetfulness take over me? Why can't my life be any easier? Why can't Auntie Russel be more sympathetic and help me with at least a part of the double trips? And yet again today I reached Toa Payoh only to realise I don't have money. Why is destiny/fate making me suffer? Is it yearning to control my life and future by taking over my responding emotions? This 'series of unfortunate events' is driving me to my grave very early, especially if there's more to come. Why do I have this kind of 'This Is Life' kind of unluckiness? Where has the world come to? I'm seriously going crazy.
I have discovered earlier this week the reasons behind my thinking, behaviour & problems. Everything boils down to 3 inner sources: Yearning for attention, teenage raging hormones and paranoia. So these 3 are responsible for me being critical towards the education system & National Service policies, posting pessimistic comments everywhere on the web (especially Facebook), my dreams of leaving Singapore for good, feeling lonely in class, relationships with family, etc. More detail after my O Levels.
I've been strucked by unluckiness lately. On Wednesday, I went to school, but when I reached, I realised some of my things are at home. So I had to go home and take it and go back to school, wasting over 1 hour to do so (and make my teacher wait for 1 hour), because transportation is taking their own sweet time (buses) or charging too much (taxis). I was so pissed off. What did I do to deserve making double trips? Why should my forgetfulness take over me? Why can't my life be any easier? Why can't Auntie Russel be more sympathetic and help me with at least a part of the double trips? And yet again today I reached Toa Payoh only to realise I don't have money. Why is destiny/fate making me suffer? Is it yearning to control my life and future by taking over my responding emotions? This 'series of unfortunate events' is driving me to my grave very early, especially if there's more to come. Why do I have this kind of 'This Is Life' kind of unluckiness? Where has the world come to? I'm seriously going crazy.
I have discovered earlier this week the reasons behind my thinking, behaviour & problems. Everything boils down to 3 inner sources: Yearning for attention, teenage raging hormones and paranoia. So these 3 are responsible for me being critical towards the education system & National Service policies, posting pessimistic comments everywhere on the web (especially Facebook), my dreams of leaving Singapore for good, feeling lonely in class, relationships with family, etc. More detail after my O Levels.
Well...I guess it's really goodbye to life in Peicai
This morning, I dragged myself heavily out of bed as usual, but for the last time ever coming out of my room, wearing the brown uniform, to face a supposedly normal school day. But it's not just any normal school day. It's officially the last day ever in Peicai Secondary School. And that is also our last look at our classroom, which we considered earlier as dingy as the rest of the 40 year-old building. Class was in somber mood today, as we all know that was the last time in our whole lives that we are going to sit in that classroom as 4F. Emotions ran high when the 'foreigners' were asked to discuss their future plans (which, sadly, Siravit, Wen Jun and maybe some others are returning home or leaving for another country for university education and for good), when Mdm Yusma delivered her somber speech both in class and during the graduation ceremony, when I recieved my report card and comparing with others, realizing how tough it's going to be to reach my L1R5 goal, when the slide show gave us heartwarming goodbye messages from teachers, when my class refused to leave the class and school early to take more group photos, and when my class can't help but made a stopover at a dessert cafe in Serangoon Gardens. Looking back, I'd realized they are/were the best classmates I ever had, despite all their conservative treatment towards me (and that is simply no point talking about now). Though I am not a best friend of any of them, nor am I sometimes included in their cliques, they still as a whole are better friends than my previous classmates (whether too cautiously or not I don't really know). We share memories in each other's invitations to gatherings/class outings/birthday (or rather, my birthday, because I'm not informed of anybody else's birthday), each other's jokes and fun, and everything else that makes our secondary school experience unique. Sure, many times I wasn't included as part of this fun, many times I felt outcast-ed, many times I even felt hostility, and most of the time I felt that the class was faking their behavior on me because of their flawed impressions of me from a troubled me in 2008 and some occasions in 2009 (yet I do not know how to prove my worth as part of this class), but we share one thing common today: these 2 years felt like an illusion that...is all gone now. But hopefully, we'll meet again later in life (especially Siravit), and one day probably in a decade's time I'll invite my now-former classmates to find me in the USA and/or Canada (as a few individuals or as a group gathering), and I'll treat them to a great time there (also realise why North America is still as beautiful as ever, and why I choose to relocate there)
So now we have 'O' Levels to face in 3 weeks. I'm going to work literally my ass off in these final days of chances, according to my Rescue Plan. I'm not going to let the setback in Prelims from shattering my dreams into pieces that their sharp edges hurt. Tomorrow's 4F meeting will mostly depend on whether they want me to come along, otherwise, I won't think of them until Dinner & Dance/Prom night on 14th November. And I will definitely look forward to my (about) 2 weeks in Kuala Lumpur (considered as my 2nd home in case you still don't know) with my cousins, some mental rest. and everything else in my Post O Level Activity List. But I will also dread Auntie Russel's permanent departure on 24th October; too many people leaving, I can't stand it.
Here's a song dedicated to the atmosphere of our class' separation (translations included in video):
So now we have 'O' Levels to face in 3 weeks. I'm going to work literally my ass off in these final days of chances, according to my Rescue Plan. I'm not going to let the setback in Prelims from shattering my dreams into pieces that their sharp edges hurt. Tomorrow's 4F meeting will mostly depend on whether they want me to come along, otherwise, I won't think of them until Dinner & Dance/Prom night on 14th November. And I will definitely look forward to my (about) 2 weeks in Kuala Lumpur (considered as my 2nd home in case you still don't know) with my cousins, some mental rest. and everything else in my Post O Level Activity List. But I will also dread Auntie Russel's permanent departure on 24th October; too many people leaving, I can't stand it.
Here's a song dedicated to the atmosphere of our class' separation (translations included in video):
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